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In the customs and traditions of
Punjab kinship plays a significant role. Its pattern
varies considerably from group to group but the
general mode of behavior and attitude is more or
less the same. Each relation has certain duties
and responsibilities towards others in his group,
in the day-to-day life, birth and marriage ceremonies,
funerals and other social occasions. Different sets
of terms are used for-addressing the paternal and
maternal kinsfolk. The father's elder brother is
addressed as taya, the father's younger brother
as chacha, the father’s sister is addressed
as bhua, while the mother's brother is mama, and
the mother’s sister is called massi.
Generally most of the kinsmen of a person reside
in the same village, or in the adjoining villages.
Because of the joint family system, the real brothers,
even married ones, often live in the same household.
There are some other agnates who generally reside
in the same locality or patti, participate in all
social functions, and exchange gifts. Some of the
cognates reside in the adjoining villages and very
often they participate in social or festive occasions,
like the initiation and marriage ceremonies, as
also on other occasions like funerals, etc.
Kinship plays a very vital role in the social and
cultural life of the people because most of the
kin have to perform certain specified and obligatory
functions on social occasions. Thus, for instance,
the choora (red ivory bangles) which a bride wears
at her wedding has necessarily to come as a gift
from her maternal uncle. The maternal uncle has
to put the bangles on her forearms while going through
certain rituals. Similarly the maternal grandparents
must send their khat (bridal gift) to the girl on
the occasion of marriage. This gift generally comprises
a set of clothes, some jewelry and other household
objects for the bride. At an initiation ceremony,
like the first hair cutting, or wedding, each relative
gives something in cash or kind according to his
social standing or nearness of relation. The exchange
of gifts is a prominent custom and keeps the kin,
in a way, well- knit in the social fabric. Presence
of all the relatives at social functions is considered
very essential and special efforts are made to patch
up differences with all those with whom relations
have been strained for some reason or other.
The joint family system having been in vogue for
ages, the entire responsibility for the maintenance
of the household and of social relations falls upon
the father. No one in the family can question his
authority. Even in such personal matters as contracting
a marriage, the father, as the head of the family,
has the ultimate say. After his death the powers
pass on to the eldest son who becomes the head of
the family and its chief representative on all social
occasions.
At home the head of the family inspires awe among
the members. Younger members of the family dare
not joke in his presence, nor is it considered befitting
for them to smoke or drink when he is around. All
conversation in his presence is conducted in subdued
voices. Daughters-in-law observe purdah when the
father-in-law is present, and it is generally understood
that when he comes into the house, he would either
cough aloud, or indicate in some other way that
he is around, so that they may cover their faces
and tone down their voices. As a general rule, there
is no direct conversation between the father-in-law
and the daughter-in-law, but if a situation and
an occasion necessitate it, it is brief to the extent
of being mono- syllabic, and the daughter-in-law
is barely audible.
Purdah is observed before the husband's elder brother
also. The same customary respect as is shown to
the father-in-law is also shown to him. But the
younger brother of the husband, the devar, enjoys
a privileged position. He is free to talk, laugh
and joke with the bhabhi (brother's wife). Among
some clans, there is a custom that when the bride
is brought home, the husband's younger brother is
the first person who lifts her veil and peeps at
her face. The equation between devar and bhabhi
is very informal. But in certain clans the eldest
bhabhi is given a status equal to that of the mother
and she is treated with great respect. In Malwa,
where the devar generally marries the widow of the
elder brother, the relationship is very free. Practical
jokes and broad jests are resorted to very liberally.
In the folk songs of the Punjab, there are many
references to this type of relationship between
devar and bhabhi.
Generally speaking, relations between the mother-in-law
and the daughter-in-law are not very cordial in
many families. A lot of friction is caused over
the domestic chores and sometimes even small mistakes
on the part of the daughter-in-law are made much
of by the mother-in-law. The offended mother-in-law
in her outburst does not spare even the parental
family of the daughter-in-law. The sisters of the
husband very sadistically add fuel to the fire.
However, although the position of the wife varies
in different societies, the mother occupies a very
respectable position everywhere in the Punjab. Relations
among brothers are often very friendly and cordial.
They are always out to help one another. The elder
brother generally commands the same respect as is
given to the father. But a great change comes in
this behavior when the brothers get married and
their wives start wrangling on petty matters. Domestic
quarrels often disturb the integrity and peaceful
life of the family. Over the distribution of ancestral
property sometimes the filial love and respect change
into life-long enmity.
The relationship between a brother and a sister
is the warmest and cleanest of all relations. Right
from her childhood a sister idealizes her brother.
When she plays the folk games kikli and thaal with
her friends, she sings praises of her brother. After
marriage when she is in her husband's home, she
always looks forward to the arrival of her brother,
because whenever she goes to her parents on a customary
visit, it is the brother who fetches, her. She looks
up to him as her sole protector and expects help
from him when she is in difficulties.
The agnates who live in a separate house though
in the same village are generally the brothers or
first cousins of the head of the family. Relations
with them are generally kept pleasant and they in
their turn join in all sorts of festive as well
as sad occasions. Regular dealings of exchange of
cash and gifts are maintained with them on all festive
occasions.
Relatives from the maternal side generally reside
in the adjacent villages. Children are, as a matter
of course, more attached to their maternal relatives.
There is a ditty prevalent among the children regarding
their maternal grandfather's house.
Among many clans, eating or even drinking water
in the house of a married daughter is taboo. It
is believed that one who eats in the house of one's
married daughter goes to bell. Among some, even
elder brothers are not supposed to accept the hospitality
of their married sisters, nor accept any gifts from
her. However, there is no restriction on children
accepting such gifts or hospitality. Some decades
ago, this custom was rigidly followed but with the
change of times people's views have changed and
the rule has been relaxed.
Sometimes close friends and associates enter into
a ritualistic relationship. They often exchange
their turbans, and are known as Pag-wat brothers.
They go to a temple or a gurudwara, exchange turbans,
and eat from the same plate. It is quite an occasion
and many near relatives are invited. This sort of
ritualistic relationship is frequent. Sometimes
even a girl ties rakhi on the wrist of a boy outside
her own kin and makes him her dharam bhara (brother
in faith). The approach to these ritual relationships
is very serious and all obligations are as earnestly
observed as in the case of real kin ties.
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